instinct
by ginger sugar
Summary: The first is always self-preservation. Later Tora/Maki. Not as indecent as the title implies.
1. Prologue

It begins with Maki in the house with polished floors and red-carpet stairways pretending that he remembers which fork to use for dessert. And the Igarashi boy across the table, already sharp and golden. Who laughs brightly when he's supposed to, looks down and quietly cuts his fish into perfect squares when he isn't. The parents praise his impeccable schoolwork, congratulate him on being president of the lacrosse team, coo over his cute little fang. The boy blushes quietly, lets his father ruffle his hair, grins with his eyes shut like the hero of some shonen manga, but the parents turn away, conversation starts again. Maki sees him open his eyes, and they are sharp and cold.

There is a laziness to the earnestness, boldness in the way he turns and smiles at praise. Like he owns the place, playing with his subjects to kill time while waiting for someone to figure it out. Maki watches him all through dinner, this boy who treats a gathering of adults like his little sister's tea party.

When the boy finally turns to look him in the eye, Maki freezes, a bite of sacher torte still in his mouth, eyes wide open.

The boy smirks, and his eyes shine like a tiger's claw.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 2: Perception**

He's not the fastest, not the first to be picked, and the ball's gone between his legs plenty of times. He makes up for it by his ruthless focus on the ball, a single-minded goal wrest and maintain control of the ball, rules and other players be damned. Every PE lessons ends with new bruises, either on himself and others, and a thousand apologies instinctively leaving his mouth,_ no he doesn't need to go to the nurses office, thank you for asking. _

His classmates laugh it off, and subject him to friendly teasing. "Time to let loose the monster under that smile, eh, Maki?" He joins in the laughter, and apologises again, knowing that none of them thin that it is sincere. He also knows that nothing he can do is going to change that perception, so he guesses he's fine with it either way. And it isn't like he actually meant to hurt anybody, they just…happened to be in the way.

He's aware that everyone thinks that the brash ruthlessness on the court is the true nature he keeps hidden under an innocent smile. He wonders why they think of these sides of him separately, why they don't think a person can be both innocent and dangerous, and still just be him. This makes Maki think of breaking a person into bits and organising these fragments into neat, labelled little boxes. It makes it easier to find what you want, far easier than dealing with the whole, complete thing at once; human personalities are too fluid and complicated, encompassing everything in these neat categories, as well as all the messy, unspeakable things in between.

In any case, all Maki knows is that he's never been anything but himself. He's not responsible for what people perceive him to be, be it the rich man's son, the submissive lackey, the two-faced teacher's pet. They assign him to his role, and pick out the parts of his behaviour that correspond with that role. Anything else is anomalous, left behind to be sifted through by others, to be part of someone else's role for him, or simply dismissed as "_He's just not being himself today" _or "_He's just acting_". On that topic: a lot of people think he has an appropriate mask for every occasion, but he thinks he's being given too much credit. There's no need to hide any part of yourself when the audience can only see what they want.

Maki is rather smug about this conclusion, and is slightly annoyed when Tora laughs upon hearing it, and refuses to say if he agrees or not.

If Maki lets himself be dissected and categorised, Tora tells them what to look for. Maki thinks that human perception is impossible to change, but to Tora, "impossible" translates to "it's going to be even more hilarious when I finally screw you over. Which I will. Soon.". And he makes sure he does. Tora isn't satisfied to let people draw their own conclusions, he forcibly manoeuvres them in the direction he wants them to go. People treat him in awe as the student council president, which he offsets by inconspicuously doodling during meetings and slipping in an occasional lame joke during conversation, and then bringing on well-timed, erudite comments and the occasional coolly good-natured expulsions from the student council when someone takes a prank on him too far. He charms the shy girls with the knee-length skirts and thick books with his prestigious school badge, perfectly pressed uniform and boyish exuberance. He leaves them secret messages on their school desk, brings them gummy candy when they're sick, blushes awkwardly when their hands touch, whispers that they're his first true love while unhooking their bras.

It all requires so much judicious planning, which Tora has an infinite capacity for. Even during PE, he always chooses to sit on the sidelines first, observing while sipping his water, thinking where to position himself so he could get the ball most quickly, who he has to get pass, how to distract the goalkeeper. And even on the field he just keeps going, purposely missing a shot, passing to the wrong person. It's all to keep things interesting, forces him to keep improvising. Maki would call him masochistic, except Tora is so good at what he does every obstacle he builds in his way only serves to make him more sure of himself.

As far as he knows, Maki is the only one who actually Knows. This is partly why Tora keeps him around; when someone's as good at something as he is, they can't help but want an audience. Maki accepts it readily, like all the other roles he never asked for. Secretly, he wonders if he is part of the reason why Tora shines so brightly, if Tora works to put on show for the one watching, if he is just another way to keep things interesting.

Secretly, Maki thinks that this is the role he likes the most of all.

"Stop staring into space." Tora lounges in the back of the limo, scrolling down his cellphone screen. His tone is amused, and there's a shadow of his smirk on his face. Maki stares out the window like he's watching the scenery, while watching Tora through the window's reflection.

The smirk deepens, and Tora pockets his phone, stretching like a cat about to pounce. Maki absently rubs the welt on his shin; today's PE session had been particularly fun.

"You don't have to do that, you know."

"Do what?"

Tora shuts his eyes, but Maki has no doubt that his expression is perfectly clear in his mind. "Going all out during PE like that. "

"I don't care what they think about me. And it doesn't hurt that bad."

Tora shrugs. "Yeah, yeah, you know I love your theories. Just don't take it too far, okay? It isn't worth it."

"I don't want to win the match that badly, I just want to do my job on the field."

"No, Maki." There is a wave in the faux-patience of his voice, and Maki recognises it as laughter. "I'm talking about your thing with letting people watch. You let people draw their own conclusions about you. Then you become it. You become What They Think They Know because you already know what your role is, and you want to play it perfectly. It's what you get off on. You hurt people during PE because you're supposed to be Ruthless But Smiling. You apologise with that fake smile on because you're supposed to be Insincere. Doesn't it feel good to rub your wound? Doesn't it feel good to feel Watched?"

Maki wants to ask Tora what he's talking about. He doesn't, because he already knows, and Tora knows he knows too.

Tora sighs, with a note of satisfaction in it. "Just telling you," he says. "Bet you don't even realise you're doing it. Anyway, sounds like fun, but I don't think it'd be _that_ fun. You don't even get to watch their reactions. Whatever. To each their own. I may not even be right about this."

Tora turns away from Maki, though Maki knows that he's still watching. "Do a favor, will you? Don't start having this weird acting fetish just because I told you what I think. That would just be sad."

Tora goes silent.

Maki turns and watches his eyes' reflection. They're hidden among the swirling colors outside, and seem to have no color of their own.

* * *

><p>Author's note: So...as you've seen from this, this is not going to be a contnuous story fic. Rather, it'll be a collection of interconnected drabbles dealing with Tora and Maki. I'm sorry if I've misleaded you, and I really hope you enjoyed the first two chapters! :)<p> 


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